They sat on the porch together
watching one car and then a second and then a third drive up Milford Street
“I’m
going up to Michigan
“To
see the kids?”
“To
at least convince Jenny to move down here. I don’t know why she insists on
staying up there.”
“To
punish you,” Joey said, simply.
Scott
nodded.
“But
you know what?” Joey said.
“Huh?”
“She
can’t live in a house you’re not paying for.”
“We’re
going to put it on the market.”
“Is
she putting it on the market?” Joey asked.
“Not
yet, but…”
“Listen,
brother,” Joey said, “this chick is so treacherous she got herself pregnant by
poking holes in your condoms.”
“You
gotta point,” Scott said.
“How
about we go up a few days early,” Joey said, “you and me. And Matt, and see
about getting rid of the house?”
“Could
we do that?” Scott looked doubtful.
“You’re
just worried about the twins,” Joey said. “And once you got rid of that house
they’d be back down here. I bet we could totally do it.”
“Alright
then,” Scott nodded his head. “Okay.”
“I need you to come with me this Sunday.”
“I
come to church every Sunday.”
“Beyond
that,” Valerie said.
“What?
You know I don’t even want to be there to begin with.”
“It’s
the meeting of female clergy around the area and I wanted you to come because
Brigid’s going to be there.”
“She’s
a cunt.”
“Felix!”
“I
mean, she’s a priest of God, but she’s kind of a cunt.”
“We
need to go shopping. I need something to wear.”
“You’re
a priest. You wear black.”
“Bob’ll
be there.”
“Oh,”
Felix blinked.
“Well,
don’t say it like that.”
“Ah,
sis, but you meant it like that.”
“Well,
speaking of Bob… Scott.”
“Scott?”
“He’s
like your Bob. What did you tell him?”
“I
told him the truth,” Felix told his sister.
“What,”
Val said “that you were sleeping with his brother?”
“No,”
Felix gave his sister a dim look, “I told Scott that we couldn’t really be
together because I still had someone else.”
“But…
is he still staying over?”
“Yes.”
“And
are you still….?”
“It’s
only happened twice. And yes,” Felix said. “And he doesn’t stay over every
night. Sometimes you need to sleep like a starfish.”
“And
then Joey… Is still…”
“It
only happened once.”
“But
you are actually sleeping with both of them at the same time.”
“Well,
you make it sound so bad,” Felix shrugged.
Valerie
blinked at him. “How else is it supposed to sound?”
“I
don’t know,” Felix shrugged. “Like a
timeshare?”
Scott could not come over every
night. He worked long hours, and then he went to his family’s house. He always
wanted to go to Felix’s, but he realized without being told that you could not
go from cherished almost lover to live in husband, especially not with someone
like Felix. Those nights when he did come to Felix, always after nine, often
past eleven, were treasures to him. He knocked. He heard Felix’s muffled voice
say: the door’s open, Scott, and he would come in, leaving his travel bag by
the door and bringing his brief case. Felix was always typing at the card table
in the kitchen, which left the desk in the common room bare for Scott to work
at. Scott would enter the kitchen for something to drink, running his fingers
over the back of Felix’s head, and as he walked out, Felix would gently caress
or squeeze his ass, maybe touch his hand, then go back to work.
“Scott,
I didn’t tell you. I got a call from the community college. I’m have and
interview.”
“What?
When?” Scott turned from his work, putting his pen down.”
“I
can’t remember.”
“You
can’t—?” Scott stopped, caught between disapproval and unbelief.
“I
wrote it down.” Felix said. “And I will know when it is. I think it’s next
week, though. I’m glad. I need work. I’m a little nervous. I’ve never taught
before.”
“You’ll
do great,” Scott said, unintentionally putting the emphasis on the G so that
Felix was reminded of Tony the Tiger. And when Felix seemed unconvinced, Scott
touched his knee, and then turned around and went back to work.
A
little while later, Felix said, “I just did the math, and if I get this
teaching gig, at even half time it’s actually more money than I’ve ever seen.”
“Half
time cause you still need your writing.”
Felix
liked how Scott wasn’t asking the question, he was stating the fact.
“Yes.”
“Then
you better be up to it,” Scott said. “Even if you don’t feel up to it, make
yourself up to it.”
He
was right. That’s why he hadn’t even turned from his work, Felix realized.
Felix
asked, “Do you want me to come with you? To Michigan
“Joey’s
coming,” Scott said. “And besides,” he looked up from his legal pad, “I know
you don’t want to.”
“Anything
you wanted me to do I would be glad to do,” he said in a voice so see Scott
wondered if he was being mocked.
“I
know,” Scott said, “and that’s very kind, but… I’m kind enough to say don’t
worry about it.”
Sometime
in the discussion, or without the discussion, Felix would get up and touch
Scott’s head, or Scott would come and touch him, or they would look at each
other and stand face to face. Scott would bend to kiss him deeply, and then
they would begin to undress and move to the couch, pull it out or pull down the
mattress to the floor and taste each other, moving together, pressing together.
For Scott, Felix’s body was a playground, and the way Felix cherished him,
kissed his eyes, his mouth, even his arms, going down his whole body, taking
his cock in his mouth, licking up and down the shaft, paying attention to his
balls and the secret places was complete delight. Everything Felix did to him,
he wanted to do to him. Every night Scott came to visit, whether it happened as
soon as he stepped through the door, or long after when they’d drifted to sleep
and were weary, they fucked each other. The first time Felix had brought Scott
inside of him, Scott’s eyes opened wide in surprise as Felix, mouth forming an
O, looked down at him, sitting on him and he whispered, “are you alright.”
“Don’t
move,” Felix whispered. He tried to laugh, lowering himself. “You’re bigger
than I thought.”
That
same night, the very first time, Scott wanted Felix inside of him. and he
learned that it always hurt. It never just went in lightly. There was always
that moment when it seemed like it wouldn’t work, where the eyes burned, where
one thought, this is a mistake, this is pain, this is… And then you settled
into it, and having him inside of you, there was nothing better.
The Friday morning before Scott
was leaving for the weekend, he and Felix woke up nearly the same time. He
touched Felix’s head and said, “Do you want me to shave you before you go?”
“Is
it looking bad?”
“Not
at all, love,” Scott said, laying beside him. “I just wanted to do something
for you before I go.”
Felix
laughed and sat up, still chuckling. “You’ve done plenty for me.”
Scott
sat up with him, “I don’t get tired of fucking you.”
Felix
ran his hand over Scott.
“Or
being fucked by you,” Scott added. “Or sucking you or kissing you. Or any of
it.”
“Do
you think we will, though?”
“Will,
though, what?” Scott said.
“Get
tired of each other?”
“No,”
Scott said, looking offended. “I don’t. I’d even be interested in being tired
of you.”
“That’s,”
Felix began looking at Scott with a half smile. “that’s couple talk.”
“I’m
not offering any ultimatums,” Scott climbed out of bed, and Felix lay on his
side looking at Scott’s naked body, his tallness, the straight shoulders, the
long back, the surprising full ass and athletic thighs.
“No,”
Felix said, reaching for his cigarette case, then remembering not to smoke
around Scott. “It’s only… maybe you should ask for one.”
Scott
was headed to the bathroom. He left the door open when he peed and the sound of
his urine shooting into the bowl was always strangely comforting.
“Maybe
you should let me meet this other guy,” Scott said over his piss, “and we can
go toe to toe in combat.”
“You’d
maim for me?” Felix cried.
Scott
hit the flusher and came out of the bathroom his heavy dick swinging between
his legs. He jumped onto the bed and kissed Felix.
“Maim
and bomb and kill,” he said. “Now take a shower with me. I gotta get ready to
go.”
“Are we staying all night, or heading back
here?” Joey asked.
“I’d
thought we were heading back, but, I don’t know.”
“Uh,
you know we’re best buds and everything,” Scott said, looking to Joey like a
kid in a suit dressed for Catholic school, “but do I need a special lawyer?”
Matt
frowned across the booth at him.
“Like
a father’s interest attorney,” Scott said.
“What’s
that?” Taylor
“Uh,”
Joey looked at Taylor
“Sundaes!”
Nathan shouted, climbing over Scott while Taylor
“Manners,”
Scott reminded them, but by then it was too late.
Matt
looked after Joey and the kids, and then when they were at the bar, he turned
to Scott and said, “That “fathers’ rights attorney” bullshit is bullshit.
Alright? There is no special knowledge. The law is the law.”
Scott
opened his mouth.
“Dads
are just like moms,” Matt said. “They get joint or sole custody when they show the
court its in the best interest of the kids.”
“That’s
not to say,” Matt continued, “dads don’t have certain issues that are unique to
them. But those issues have to be looked at in the context of the children’s
best interest, because that is what family law judges are trained to focus on.
“Like,
it’s important that fathers with full-time or heavy work schedules obtain a
custody and visitation schedule that gives them lots of time to spend with
their kids.
“I
can do that,” Scott said.
“Does
Jenny work at all?”
“Not…
so much.”
Matt
raised an eyebrow.
“She
works part time.”
“Oh,
come the fuck on!” Matt lost patience.
“What?”
Matt
opened his mouth, then looked around and remembered himself. He leaned in and
hissed.
“After
all that bitch did to you.”
“What?”
“After
all that bitch did to you, you just let her sit on her ass and have babies
while you….”
Matt
shook his head.
“How
could you be so dumb?”
Matt
looked at his embarrassed friend.
“I’m
sorry. I didn’t mean it. I just...”
“I
feel so dumb,” Scott said. “Everyday I just...” Scott looked away from his
friend.
“Every
day I feel like such a fool.”
There
was a catch in Scott’s voice and Matt looked around the restaurant. He reached
across the table and touched Scott’s shoulder.
“Buddy,
you need a minute?”
Scott
didn’t look at him. He was looking hard at the table, unable to talk. He nodded
rapidly.
“Alright,
buddy.”
“Stop
calling me that,” Scott said quickly. “That’s the whole reason Jen’s even in
the picture. I would have been myself a long time ago if… You had been
yourself.”
“Sundaes!”
Joey shouted by way of warning.
Scott
blew his cheeks out and shook his head, laughing as he moved out of his booth
and the boys slid in.
“You
better get yourself some,” Joey said merrily, though his eyes went cautiously
from Scott to Matt. “Before we eat all the ice cream up.”
“Uh,”
Matt turned to Joey: “Do you mind if me and Scott talk for a bit back at my
place?”
“About
c-u-s-t-o… oh, shit, I can’t spell it,” Joey said.
“Yeah,”
Matt said.
“What’s
custo?” Taylor
Scott
looked at Joey.
“It’s
like custard.”
“Can
we have some,” Nathan asked.
“You’re
eating it,” Joey lied, quickly.
Scott sat in Matt’s apartment
while he took out the blunt wrapper and Scott said, “Is that like a grape
leaf.”
“Sort
of,” Matt said, “Now… this is called White Widow…. Which is not to be confused
with Purple Widow or Blue Widow. Blue Widow is actually blue by the way,” Matt
explained, breaking up the seeds. “Which is largely a gimmick, and an expensive
one at that, so I’ve got not time for it.”
“You…
uh are pretty good at that.”
“Well,
I do it a lot,” Matt said, lighting. He ran the light along it then hit the
blunt and the smoke was strong. He passed it to Scott who put a hand up and
then shrugged.
“You
were always like that,” Matt said, holding the smoke in and letting it leak
from his nose.
Scott
took a hit and his eyes went wide.
“But
you always smoked it in the end.”
Scott
tried to pass it back, but then Matt said, “No, brother, you take a few hits
off that.”
The
smoke leaked from Scott’s nose and mouth, and then Scott took another hit and
passed it to Matt. His head swam and his mouth was numb. Matt laughed.
“You
look high as fuck,” he said, taking another long hit. “We’re going to smoke all
this bitch and I’m going to give you legal advice.”
Scott
felt too dumb to laugh and Matt raised a finger in the air and quoted:
“Now
we were talking about making quality time for your kids. Quality time includes
days that the father does not work such as weekends as well as evenings during
the week. Vacation and holiday time is a critical part of a working father’s
schedule.”
“I
can do that. I do do that.”
“Can
you work half time?”
“Not
if she’s working half time.”
“You
better have something that says you can work just enough, but support those
kids. And you need to have something that says that bitch is crazy.”
“Too
bad I can’t turn in the busted condoms as evidence.”
“I
bet she’d fess up to it if you asked her.”
The
room was filled with smoke, and they didn’t talk for a while and then Scott
said, “What else?”
He
was a little surprised to see that, even high, Matt was on top of his job.
“Depending
on the age of the children, frequent and regular contact may be a must to
continue the bonding process.”
“I
never—“ Scott coughed, “ever—let myself be distant from my boys.”
“I
know, man.”
“Where
are my boys?” Scott looked around, stupid.
“With
Joey.”
“But
where did Joey…”
“Fuck
it,” Matt said.
“Fuck
it,” Scott echoed.
“In
situations where both the father and mother work full-time and the children are
equally bonded with both parents… but that’s not your situation, no special
preference are supposed to be given to the mother. If two parents have similar
work schedules... What was I saying?”
“Right,”
Scott answered, glassy eyed.
“Exactly,”
Matt said, his finger raised, while Scott took the blunt from his fingers.
“For
fathers who travel extensively due to their work schedules, flexibility and
make up time is an important part of any custody and visitation schedule…”
“What
if I want full custody?”
“You
don’t want full custody.” Matt shook his head, crossing the sofa to sit next to
Scott.
“But…
if I did?”
“Well,
you have to be bonded,” Matt said.
“Man,
I am so fucking bonded,” Scott said, touching Matt’s thigh, He clapped it over
and over again, saying, “Bonded, bonded, bonded,” as smoke left his mouth and
he passed the blunt to Matt.
“Well,”
Matt said, “It’s all about the judge now. And about what you can prove your
marriage was like in the past.”
“I’m bonded!”
“I
know! No motherfucker is more bonded than you. But it doesn’t mean you should
give up on your children and take whatever custody and visitation schedule is
offered to you. If Jenny gets crazy we to make the choice.”
“We!”
“Fucking
right we. Are your children a priority in your life or not? That means you do
not pawn off the children to your parents, daycare facilities or babysitters...
And… I can’t really fucking remember what I’m trying to…”
And
then Matt shotgunned Scott’s open mouth, and the smoke went down his throat,
out his nostrils. They parted and Scott took a long hit, and then did the same
to Matt. This time his dick was stiff and he felt Matt’s hand on it, and then
he reached between Matt’s legs and felt him hard to. Scott began to turn Matt’s
erection like a joy stick and while they were stroking each other through their
trousers they just kept smoking and then Matt crushed the blunt, and pushed
himself on Scott and began kissing him as Scott unbuckled his belt.
When the black Jeep swung into a
parking space beside the house and Joey saw his brother and Matt climb out
looking like they’d just woken up and were late for something, he ran down the
porch.
“We’ve
been looking for you everywhere!” Scott shouted.
“Well,
did you think we’d just at a Applebees while you… did whatever you— Shit, you
all are high!”
“Shusssssssssh!”
Matt put a finger to his lip.
“So
you came back to my house!” Scott demanded. “With my wife!”
“How
was I to know you’d get fucked up when you were supposed to be—”
“Dad’s
home,” Taylor
Jenny
came out onto the porch with Nathan and Scott glared at his brother and said,
“Coffee. Make me coffee.”
“It’s
best if I go,” Matt said. He touched Scott’s elbow awkwardly, and then turned
to get in the Jeep. As the car started up, Jenny came down to the street and
demanded, “What the hell is going on?”
“This
is supposed to be your weekend with the kids, Scott,” Jenny said, pulling
Nathan behind her. “You sit on the phone telling me about how much you love
your kids, and then you dump them with your brother so you can hang out with
Matt and…” she sniffed him. “Were you getting high?”
“What’s
that mean, Mommy? Nathan said.
“Matt
is my lawyer,” Scott began.
“Higher!”
Taylor
And
to Scott’s credit, he began lifting his arm so Nathan could swing on it.
“Your
lawyer!” Jenny shouted. “Your lawyer. To take my kids from me?”
“To
bring the kids back home. You can come too.”
“My
life is here!” Jenny said.
“How
can you have a life here? You don’t even have a job. You live off of me, and my
life is in North Fall!”
“You
don’t even want those kids!” Jenny shouted. She pulled at Nathan who would have
fallen if he hadn’t clung to Scott.
“Get
your hands off him, Jen.”
“You
don’t want those kids!” she cried again. “The only reason they exist is cause I
tricked you into getting me pregnant.”
Scott
and Joey looked at the twins terrified, but the boys didn’t know what their
mother was talking about.
“He
wanted to have you aborted,” Jenny said to Nathan. “Your dad, who you like so
much, didn’t even want you.”
“Shut
up,” Scott said. Then he turned to Nathan and Taylor.
“You
don’t want us?” Nathan said. “Is that why you’re gone.”
Scott
picked up Nathan. He tried to pick both boys up, but rested his hand on Taylor
“Look
at me, both of you,” he said. “that is not true. I left because I had to. If I
could, I’d take you with me tonight.”
“He
doesn’t love you,” Jenny started.
“You
stop that,” Joey snapped. “You stop that shit right now. Your dad loves you. We
all love you.”
“Can
we go with you tonight, Daddy?” Taylor
“Yeah!”
Nathan said.
Scott
looked at his brother, and then as Jenny said, “See, that’s what I mean,” Scott
said, “Yeah. Get in the car.”
The
boys cheered and ran to his car and Scott said, “Joey, you get in the car and
wait for me, and I’m gonna go get some clothes.”
“You
can’t kidnap my kids.”
“No
ones kidnapping your kids,” Scott shook his head. “They’re my boys, and you’re
my wife, and I’m taking my boys for a very long vacation to their
grandparents.”
“We’ll
see how this turns out.”
“Yeah,
I guess we will.”
“I
know the judge,” she took out her phone.
Scott
took it out of her hand and slipped it in his pocket. As he headed for the
porch he shouted back, “Did you poke holes in his condoms too?
As the sky over them went from
deep blue to blue black, and the turning road was nearly engulfed in blackness,
Scott declared, “I can’t wait to get home.”
Joey
turned around and saw the sleeping boys in the back seat.
“What
did happen, though?” Joey said. “With you and Matt? I mean, you guys were gone
for over an hour. You said you would be right back.”
“We
went back to his place so he could council me about custody and… stuff.”
“And
you came back high.”
“Yeah.”
“You
got high for an hour and a half,” Joey whispered.
“That’s
not quite true,” Scott said.
“Then
what?”
Scott
took a breath, and then turned around and looked at the kids. They were asleep
and so he said, “Joey, I’m gay.”
“Shit,”
Joey said.
“Yeah.”
“I’m
gay too.”
Scott
looked at Joey for so long there was the honk of a truck horn and then he
looked back on the road and the kids stirred as Scott steered the car back onto
the road.
They
continued driving, hearts beating, then Scott said, “Well…”
“Shit,”
Joey said.
“I
already gave Mom and Dad grandkids, so they’ll get over it,” Scott said. He
smiled sideways. “I did my duty.”
Joey
didn’t say anything for a long time. After a while he turned around to see the
kids were asleep again, and then he said, “Does this have anything to do with
Matt?”
Scott
looked back quickly at the kids.
“In
high school we almost made out. We had a thing for each other, sort of. A
couple of years after Jenny had the kids she started cheating on me, and she
called me the biggest faggot she’d ever met. And then… I was tired of being
straight. Tired of love I’d turned down. Tired of wanting things and not having
them. I started messing with guys after that. And that was when I told Matt,
and he told me how he felt. But nothing happened then.”
“But
it happened today,” Joey realized.
“Yeah,”
Scott said. “It happened for about an hour.”
Joey
looked at his brother and then he shook his head.
“Fuck!”
his whispered. “Fuck.”
“I
know.”
“I
can’t picture it.”
“I
really don’t want you to,” Scott said. A truck passed, a white light filling
the window for a moment.
“So…
are you guys… an item or something?”
“No,”
Scott shook his head. “He knows… That he’s not the one. That… there is someone
else. Someone else I loved a long time ago who I never thought I’d have the
chance to be with again. Matt was just… unfinished business.”
“But
you guys are still friends. Right?”
“Yes.
And he’s still my lawyer.”
Joey
nodded. He was quiet for a while and then he said, “This guy you’re in love
with?”
“Yeah.”
“Is
it Felix?”
Scott
coughed, and then he said, “Yeah. Yes, I mean.”
Joey
nodded.
Scott
turned from staring out the window and looking at his brother realized: Joey is the other guy.
“Great,”
Scott heard Joey say, tonelessly. “Felix is great.”
“Well,” Valerie said as they
walked up the sidewalk to the entrance of the Maron Arms, “we learned a lot
today.”
“I
learned you don’t know how to ask for a date.”
“I
learned I can’t take you anywhere.”
“I
learned I hate the Episcopal Church more than I thought I did.”
“Really?”
“I
should have stayed a Catholic.”
“Bite
your tongue.”
“Tongue
bitten.”
.Felix’s
phone rang and he pulled it from his pocket:
“Hello?”
“Are
you home?”
“Yeah,”
Felix said, cautiously, looking at Valerie.
“It’s
me, Joey.”
Felix
was so glad he didn’t call him Scott, they sounded so alike.
“Is
there something wrong?”
“No,”
Joey said. There was noise in the background. “No, nothing’s wrong. Just… Can I
come over?”
Felix
looked around. “Yeah… How long do you need?”
“I
actually just got out of the shower.”
“Okay.
Twenty minutes?”
“About.”
“Alright.”
Felix
closed his phone and said, “Valerie, I gotta go.”
“You
have a man coming?” Rule said.
“I
do.”
“Which
one?”
“Don’t
you worry about it?”
But
Felix worried about it. He wanted to ask how Scott was, and where he was, but
something told him not to.
From the bathroom Felix heard Joey
knocking. He turned off the shower and toweled his face. The knocking was more
insistent, and if he didn’t know better he’d sweat it was Rule.
“Goddamn,
Joey,” Felix muttered. As he wrapped the towel about his waist and went to
answer the door.
When
Felix opened the door, he asked Joey what was wrong.
“Can
I come in?”
“Of
course you can come in.”
As
Joey entered, Felix closed the door behind him and said, “You look so nervous.
You look so tense.”
Joey
sat on the sofa amd Felix sat beside him. Joey’s foot was tapping rapidly and
his brow was furrowed.
“You’re
being weird,” Felix said.
“Can
we fuck?” Joey asked him.
“That
was… the opposite of subtle.”
“I
don’t want to be subtle,” Joey said. “Can we just… Can we please… fuck. I need
it. I need you right now. Can we please fuck?”
Felix
said nothing and Joey said, “You know we came home with my nephews, right? He
took them from Jen. They’re here. So it’s great that you love him, and he loves
you and I know that. That’s great, Felix. But I don’t think you want to raise
his kids. And if the reason you’ve been holding out on me is Scott, well then,
he had sex with Matt—his old friend, the lawyer. He fucked him today.”
Joey
leaned across Felix and kissed him.
“I
know you love him,” Joey said, kissing his throat, “but there’s got to be
something for me too.”
Felix
was going to say no, but Scott hadn’t made a claim on him, and he wasn’t even
angry about what Scott had done. He’d thought about how he would handle the two
of them, but tonight he didn’t have to think about it, and tonight Joey was
here and apparently Scott was with his kids, to he took up Joey’s shirt and
Joey took off his shirt. They kissed fiercely and Felix opened his mouth for
Joey’s tongue. There was a desperate violence in the way Joey’s tongue searched
his mouth and Felix matched it, feeling Joey’s hands press him down ,the
strength of his arms. If he wanted to, Felix thought, Joey could do whatever
her wanted to.
He
reached Joey’s belt and tugged down his shorts and Joey stopped to moan, and
then buried his face in Felix’s throat. Joey shimmed out of his shorts and
Felix tugged down his shorts, grasping his penis. It was so hot and so thick,
and it grew and grew while Joey kissed him and moaned with his attention. Felix
moved to sit down properly and he moved Joey with him, and then he brought Joey
up and pulled his cock in his mouth.
“God,”
Joey moaned. “Goddamn.” His voice was muffled as he buried his face in the
ledge the mattress against Felix’s wall made, and he felt Felix’s hands on his
hips and then on his ass, guiding him as he fucked his mouth. “You feel so
good. You’re so—”
Felix
slipped his wet finger in Joey’s ass and the boy moaned. It seemed to go on a long
time before they pushed the fu ton out into a bed and leisurely pleasured each
other. But in the end Felix was bent over the sofa, and after a long day of a
lot of foolishness, breathing heavily out of his nose, his mouth on Felix’s
ears and on his throat, his hands grasping Felix’s hips, Joey was fucking him.
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